It’s been quite awhile since I last posted… no real excuse. I’ve said it before, BUSY! I’ll not apologize for putting my family first.

A lot has happened over the past year. Personnaly, it’s been a long year. The loss of my brother  has affected me in ways I never imagined possible. Depression certainly reared its ugly head on many occasions, sending me into a world of darkness I never knew existed. Thank the good Lord for friends and the patience of a loving and supporting family. My wife and children never waivered; always there for me, even as I tried pushing them away. I don’t suppose I really accepted how I was affected as a whole. Capt. Wines’ recent loss of a cousin within a week of the one year anniversary of my brother’s death was surreal for me. I can’t explain it, but on some level I was better able to face my emotions and accept what had happened to me by expressing my understanding of his families’ loss. Thanks, again, for sharing, Capt….


The place I should have been able to run to wasn’t very receptive either. My status at the fire department wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Three years of turmoil that I often seemed to be tied to. I’m generally not a trouble maker, but I kept finding myself as the focus or target of some organizational issues. Rather than confront the issues, I chose to ignore them, blaming those above me for being poor leaders. Hindsight: be good follower and lead up. Granted, I did receive some emotional satisfaction from antagonizing a few people above me…I’m not totally innocent! Bottom line is that I wasn’t doing what is right for the organization. As an officer, I have an obligation to always try and do the right thing. Discovering that your Chief is talking hate and discontent about you behind your back is painful. On some level I earned it, or at least opened a door for it, but to use it as an excuse for a poor attitude is something I’m not proud of.


One of the brighter moments, and something that always seems to refocus me, was this year’s recruit academy. I participated as a company officer again and as predicted, I had a fantastic experience. A burden in many respects, but the batteries got recharged, making it worth the price paid in time. And a renewed focus on why I am here was certainly welcome…


So as I continue to mend my evil ways and heal my damaged soul, perhaps I will gain some positive momentum in the blogging arena. Sharing has always been therapeutic for me….


To close, I want to thank some of the other people that have chosen to share and in doing so have aided in my recovery and helped me find the path that I want to be on…

This has to be insanity. Chaos. But I am so very happy… he got what he deserved. Got what he earned.


I told a member of our governing body that if this happened the implications on our organization would be catastrophic. I hope I’m wrong.


He joined us nearly a year ago. We knew him from a neighboring department, so his leadership abilities where no mystery or secret. We all knew he would raise the bar and expect more from each of us. We knew he was exactly what we needed. We knew with him with us, all the other stuff wouldn’t matter.


It was all true. For the past year, I have lived in bliss, enjoying every single moment I was able spend working with him. I was challenged to be better, and I am. I was given opportunities to excel and I did. We all gained so much in so little time.


But now it’s over.


He got what he earned and so highly deserved. He returned to his previous employer. He is now the new “Big Cheese” with them. Bravo Zulu!


The next three months for us will speak volumes. Where will we go? We are leaderless and the future is not so bright. Our upper management is still intact, but leaders they never were nor will be. Old dogs don’t learn new tricks. Empire builders don’t give away the keys to the castles they build.


Empires are defeated in battle, often with heavy losses. Empires and the kings that rule them are not interested in the  betterment of the individual nor the whole. And they certainly don’t want to share control. Because of this, our organization will regress. Go backwards. Retard. Our forward growth will be impeded. Changes we do make will be incomplete and meaningless. Buy-in will continue to be non-existent and appreciation will be dealt in favoritism.


The future changes envisioned by our governing body are those that require a type of leadership that we now lack; transitional. Administrators that have never led but rather managed, will not and can not succeed in the arena of change. History has shown us and is now doomed to repeat.


What of the masses you ask? As a whole, they are weak and unwilling. Asking others to fall on the spear, but unwilling to risk a splinter from the spears handle themselves. Asking for leadership, but unwilling to be led. Each as a single part seeks out a position that will somehow seemingly benefit them in the future. Looking to better themselves rather than the organization and searching for safe-havens of refuge, they take turns feeding the king and strengthening his castle walls.


I believe my time here is coming near the end. I have to look for new opportunities and further old ones. I have invested nearly a decade here; helping, teaching, coaching, mentoring and even failing at times. I cannot push any harder for the one change we all know needs to happen. I am willing to fall on the spear to help the organization reach the next step, yet I cannot find enough willing hands to hold the spear for me…


Perhaps another time.


Or, I can man-up; do my job as a servant to the great men and women of the department that I have the privileged to work with.


After meeting with a mentor of mine and then receiving a less-than-happy email from an associate, it struck me. There can be only one answer. It won’t be easy. It will be painful to accept and continue at times, yet it is simple. The realization came as the reply to a great man’s email…



We cannot allow the organization’s image to be tarnished, but rather we must continue to serve the public as they so deserve. I realize that as of last night, the resolve to do this is weak in many of us, myself included. If we quit, if we lash out, if we do anything other than to continue in a professional manner, then we lose. This I am sure of.
What will happen going forward is speculative at best. I ask that we move forward and continue to give the district our very best. I am truly committed to the ideal that the only chance for success of the department is our collective, undying desire to serve the communities in which we live. We must move forward and we must support our command structure. Together, we will continue to grow and improve. But only if we are together. We cannot afford to lose more good people…

(This post is slightly out of order…I have a really good reason to do so. Someone very important to me is struggling a bit… Her confidence is down. She’s under a lot of pressure. So hopefully this helps her see. Humility is a superpower.)

I have no excuses.

I suck.

I’m a loser. I fail regularly. Many times, I don’t even realize how pathetically I’ve performed. The only thing I can claim to getting correct, is screwing up consistently.  I’ve become so good at it, I don’t even know I’m doing it most of the time.

At the end of the day, I question my choice… Volunteer Fire Captain? Who do I think I am! I mean, I suck!

And that is what has gotten me where I am today. The captain of what I consider the “go to” engine company in my department. We aren’t the best. We screw up. We stumble.

We also train. A lot. On basic skills. More than others. But not enough. So we sometimes fail.

And when we fail, it’s on ME! I’m the boss. I own the fails. They get the wins…

Once they recognize that failure isn’t the end all… that I have their backs, the sky truly becomes the limit.

You see, once I started taking the failures as my own, a really cool thing happened. The more I owned, the less the let me have.

Values Based Decision Making is not about money, or saving money, or clipping coupons. It’s not about getting what you pay for, either. Values based decision making is a cultural attitude that relies upon teaching how to make good decisions rather than attempting to teach specific choices for specific instances. It is a way of aligning individual goals with organizational goals and giving members freedom to choose right from wrong. Values based decision making uses direction from a morale compass to choose the correct response.


As a young man, I joined the US Navy right out of high school. During boot camp, I was broken down and then rebuilt; out with the civilian and in with the sailor. What I have come to realize is that a big part of the rebuilding process included instilling in me values, values that the Navy would expect me to utilize in my future decision making. The US Navy calls these three most basic values their Core Values: Honor, Courage, and Commitment. These were not just taught as three simple words, but I had to learn how each of these words, or values, related to me and my new home, the US Navy. I was shown how using these values helped ensure that my actions and decisions fit with the Navy’s expectations of me. In other words, when I applied the Navy’s core values in my decision making, I had a good chance of making the Navy happy with me.
As leaders, we owe it to our people to ensure they are provided with a similar vision and direction; boundaries and expectations have to be pre-defined. Anything less will not produce desired outcomes in behavior and performance. Teaching our people to make decisions on a values based system is the foundation to building a culture in which people choose right and wrong in a manner that aligns with the organizational needs and beliefs.


So, how do you and/or your organization handle decision making, good or bad? When a member chooses incorrectly, how is it handled? Do you have the integrity to look in the mirror and identify areas for improvement, or do you lash out and criticize? Are you serving your people at a level they deserve, giving them every opportunity to succeed, or are you throwing out open-ended, broad expectations with the hope that someone gets lucky?


Let’s look at a simple example:

Pick a number between one and ten. You have a one in ten chance of being correct. If you’re wrong,  you’ll be brought into the office for counselling, berated in front of your peers, or perhaps even fired. What were you thinking? Isn’t the correct choice obvious!?


Not very fair and certainly not a good way to run any organization. I’ll bet you’ve seen or experienced something like this. I’ve seen it; been on both sides of it. The end result: fear. Fear to decide, fear to act. A feeling of utter futility overcomes any desire to try and do right. No matter what they decide to do, it will likely be wrong and the risk isn’t worth it.


Let’s try this again, but with a little more definition; with a values based application:
Pick a number from one to ten.
On even days, choose an even number; on odd days, choose and odd number.
On cloudy days choose a number less than five; on sunny days, choose a number over five.
The warmer the temperature, the higher the number; the colder temperature, the lower the number.


Much easier now. I have narrowed my expectations, which allows you to choose the same number as me. I have shared the organization’s values with you. The number may not be the number you personally would choose, but it is the number that best suits the organization because you used our organizational values to make your decision.


Each of us was raised differently. We all have a unique set of values we apply when making decisions. Different religions, geographies, and of course parental inputs all combine to form our individual values systems. This is the moral compass that allows us to choose right from wrong or to simply decide the better direction to go. For a leader to expect that everyone around them will make the same choice in the same circumstance is asking for disappointment. Leaders by default are charged with helping their peoples’ goals align to the organizational goals; matching values systems is key to achieving this benchmark.


Look at the example again but rather than choosing from one to ten, choose from one to twenty five. The complexity of the problem has increased, but if I haven’t provided a better values system, you are much less likely to choose a number even close to mine. I have to provide you with a values system that complements the level of decision making I expect you to make. Mistakes will be made, but from a leading position, mistakes must be looked upon as coaching and learning opportunities for both parties. Leaders must self-examine to ensure that the message was transmitted clearly. Did I adequately and clearly express my expectations and provide the tools necessary for you to make good choices? Values based decision making cannot work if I don’t share my values! Sometimes the member misinterprets a message or may have trouble assimilating the organizational values with their inherent values system. Positive reinforcement, praise for effort, and additional coaching should help remedy these issues. Having members explain how and why they made the decisions, right or wrong, will help identify the areas that need correction.



I cannot emphasize enough how important positive reinforcement is. How often do your people only hear from you when they mess up? Praise for even incremental improvements and efforts are key to getting member buy-in for the values system. Allowing members to grow and learn from mistakes will provide the basis of trust that is crucial for any organization to succeed.


Each of us is already a part of a values system, but may not realize it. SOP/SOG’s are a basic values system that outline expected actions in certain instances or under set conditions that should produce a pre-determined outcome. Values that are in writing are the easy ones; difficulty is encountered when we face the “do the right thing when no one is watching” issues. Getting a new recruit to understand why it is not okay to take pictures of the accident scene with his iPhone for Facebook publication is not all that tough. The hard part is remembering to explain it and why it’s important BEFORE it happens. Just because I know it and believe in it doesn’t mean the rest of my crew does.


So the next time you have a firefighter step off the engine without tools or PPE, don’t go berserk. Stop and think; as his or her officer, did I fully explain my expectations? Do they really understand how they fit into the big picture and how being fully prepared on calls is important, even on activated alarms. And when they do step off for the false alarm activation and they are fully dressed with tools, ready to work, thank and praise them  for the effort?

I started a thing a few months back. I was looking for something.

Purpose was part of it.

At some level, don’t we all ponder our purpose?

I ended up enrolling in college. Again. A BS program for Emergency Management. All online. Pretty easy stuff. Pay the man, do the time and work, get a diploma, go into the world and make money. Simple.

But, no. It isn’t. I finished the first two classes..Critical Thinking and Intro to Emergency Management. They were…basic. Jump through the hoops. I was left with an emptiness and disappointment. And I may have gotten and attitude.

Yep. Attitude. First, I don’t know how in blazes you can make something like emergency management take 4 years to teach. And NONE of it is hands-on or clinical. Sinful. Academia is killing the blue-collar of America; the foundation of our greatness. But that’s enough attitude, lol.

I’m currently just past mid-way on two more classes and I’ve decided to NOT enroll further. I originally thought this may be a new direction I would take after I retire from my bill-paying job in a few years. After sticking my head into the arena, I think I’ll go a different directions.

First, I don’t really want to start a new career in that field. Again, purpose.

Secondly, I’ll have about 30 years in the career I’m in now, and frankly, I want to retire and only do what I want. I’m thinking maybe the 20-30 hr per week at the local hardware store and when I’m not there earning play money, I’ll do this.

Yes. This.

Purpose.

I really enjoy sharing with anyone willing to waste time reading my drivel.

Venting. Teaching. Sharing. Honoring.

So I’ll finish the two classes I’m enrolled in and with your support, I’ll start writing more. And I’ll get back to the podcasts, too. Because I want to do something that has purpose and the little feedback I’ve gotten indicates this has purpose.

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35 ft. working length; 15 ft. 3 in. closed length; a little over 9 in. thick in banked position; 129 pounds.

A real nut buster.

I can take it from the engine, carry it, throw it, set it, etc. Solo. Alone. In full PPE, including SCBA.

Why?

I had to know.

I cannot, will not, be the one standing in the cold of night as the mother screams to save her baby, wondering if I can do it; do I have it in me? I had to know now, so that when that time arrives, I am up to the task.

There is no doubt in my mind.

I run on a volunteer department not unlike many others in the US. We are short staffed and on many occasions, spread very thin. The potential for the need to perform a single fire fighter ladder throw is very real. For that matter, the ability for all fire fighters to be able to work independently is paramount to achieving successful fire ground operations. Before the Safety Gestapo gets me, I am not advocating the disbanding of our tried and true “buddy system”, but many ancillary functions can and should be single fire fighter evolutions.

So, back to why do I do this. It boils down to “good firemanship”.

Firemanship is defined by Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary as, “the practice, skill, or occupation of fire fighting”. With that being said, how is your firemanship? Do you practice? Do you have skill? Are you treating this job, paycheck or not, like an occupation? Do you work for a fire department, or are you a fire fighter? Think about it; do you work for a fire department, or are you a fire fighter?

The former does simply that. They show up and collect a paycheck. For vollies, they collect a t-shirt or bumbersticker. It’s about status and fame or fortune. These people concern themselves more with financial stability, “pacing themselves” for retirement (translated: don’t want to risk injury for the homeless “no-name”), and scheduling work for the side job. Not that our families don’t deserve financial stability (and us around to enjoy it with them), but if you want all that without the risk, consider a job in the banking or insurance industry. We took an oath. They all matter, even homeless no-names.

Fire fighters on the other hand, focus on the craft. They want to constantly improve and hone their hard earned skills. Fire fighters look in all directions for ways to add to their “tool box”. Physical fitness, mental agility, tricks-of-the-trade, and constant training are all ingredients of good firemanship. For the fire fighter, this is more than a job, it’s an art. Always searching for perfection, knowing all along it cannot be achieved; this is the excellence a true fire fighter pursues.

As this new year approaches, our society allows for new beginnings. New Year’s Resolutions will be abound. What will yours be? Will it be silent or proclaimed for all to measure? In the year to come, will you work for a fire department, or will you choose to be a fire fighter?

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Stay safe, stay low, stay aggressive!

I have a boo boo and it hurts. I hurts real bad. This is the kind of hurt that is going to sting for a very long time. Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m even able to handle it. I try to stay occupied, so I don’t have to think about it. You know, ignore it and it will go away.
I’m usually pretty good about controlling this sort of stuff, but not so much this time. When the pain comes on, it’s often out of no where, blind siding me with such ferocity that I literally have to concentrate on breathing. A good friend reminded me today that it’s like everything we do: ABC’s, airway, airway, airway. Keep breathing…
So I do. And with a little help from a lot of friends, I can see the pain subsiding, some. Not always, but enough that I am reminded that to bottle this kind of raw energy would be very self-destructive. To try and harness the emotions and pain I am feeling would cause damage that would be sustained and permanent.
So I talk. I talked, and then talked some more. I weep. I sob, I cry; and I do all the things in between. Sometimes I sit and stare, hoping and praying beyond reason that the clock will turn back and things will go back the pre-pain era. It doesn’t happen.
When I went to bed after hearing the news, I prayed like never before that I would wake to find it had been a nightmare and the pain would be gone; or at least at a level that would allow me to perform at some level near normalcy. A very unexpected thing happened: I awoke to a deeper pain than I have ever experienced. A pain like no other I have ever felt. A pain unimaginable to those who have never felt it.
It wasn’t long before the word spread and the true brotherhood of the fire service showed. Men I have worked next to for many years; men I have witnessed gruesome tragedies with; men I have never seen shed tears during some very trying times arrived at my house. I was in pain, and they came to share my burdens and hold me while we cried.
I often hear speak of the “brotherhood” and I honestly think the term may be overused, or perhaps inappropriately applied, but I am here to tell you, the Brotherhood is alive and well in my neck of the woods. The actions of my Brothers are helping me to survive the loss my brother…