Life goes On….(2011)

The Gold Star Button’s unique design incorporates the symbols
that indicate the family’s loss: the Laurel Wreath Border signifies
valor; the Purple field signifies the family’s grief or mourning;
the Gold Star has been used since WWI to signify
“Died in a Combat Theater.”




It has been a few weeks, long weeks, since my brother, Ken, was killed in Afghanistan. Although the journey hasn’t been easy, I can say with thanks to friends, family, and God, it has been bearable. The outpouring of support can be summed up in a single word: humbling. I cannot ever express enough thanks to the men and women around me; you held me up when I stumbled, you gave me the strength to continue, you reminded me to breath…


On reflection, as in many cases of tragedy, we seek to find the proverbial “silver lining”. My recent journey included many, from small to large. Seeing old acquaintances and family on the east coast was a real pleasure, albeit the circumstances. Watching a small, close-knit community grow closer in sorrow and unite to support a grieving family was indescribable.


Perhaps as a product of grief, or maybe just a reflection of life’s unpredictability, I became acutely aware of my own upbringing and those who influenced it.  I thought about my brother’s life and his accomplishments, and I wondered how I influenced him, if at all. I always described Ken as being able to do anything I could do, “only better”. Hearing stories of him furthered this perception; he was a patriot, a warrior, a natural leader, and he made people laugh and feel good about themselves. Of course I know I set a good example. I gave him something to aim for and obviously, he exceed it greatly.


Back to those who influenced me… I met up with a couple of people that I have come to realize helped create who I am today. Both had a somewhat limited time with me, but the lessons I learned from them, and endeavor to pass on, are significant.


One was a high school teacher that taught me the value of gifting, the open mindedness required to lead, and the respect that must be given in order to earn the same. Mr. Sirianni, Hoka Hey!


The other man, though rough on the surface, showed me how to mentor (and how to fight fire). He took me under his wing and protected me when appropriate, pushed when I warranted it, and occasionally (or more often than not) kicked me in the seat of the pants. Without him (and others akin to him), hose wouldn’t have been loaded correctly, SCBA would have been left out-of-service, and apparatus would not have been clean, enough. Thanks, again, “Bull”.



I was describing these men and how they affected me to a good friend and mentor. I, like him, prefer to lead by quiet example. Rather than pull someone aside and coach them, we would rather step up with a silent, “do as I do”. Both of us have seen organizations suffer from the actions of it’s member(s) and we have both chosen the path of, “act like me”, but we did so in silence. He made a comment that challenged the both of us to step up and start leading more proactively. The next time one of us sees a FF stepping out of line or behaving inappropriately, regardless of who may be around (even the white hats), expect a hammer to drop. Think about this: what if those same men that mentored me had chosen the quiet, non-intervening path? Who would I be today? Mentoring, coaching, and leading are about more than just setting a good example; they must be proactive, intervening, and sometimes bold.


As I continue on my journey, I will heal and grow. To begin repaying the debt to my friends, I will step up and be a more active mentor and leader for them. I will set a better example by making some noise when appropriate. In doing so, I believe I will also be honoring my family and fallen brother, who set a pretty fine example for me to follow.